No-Nonsense Nuances of Nonduality (April 2025)

When first starting this course, I was working as a healthcare practitioner in northern post-secondary education whose focus was equity, diversity, inclusion (EDI) and Indigenous Knowledge. I remember asking if we would be covering theories which delve into spiritual, conscious experiences and overlap with quantum physics, but in a way which can be communicated through the social sciences. When my question was answered with a yes, I chose to open myself up to the possibilities this class could offer.

Through Spira’s (2023) moderated conversation with Donald Hoffman, I was (re)introduced to the concept of nonduality. While there is not one single definition of nonduality which aligns with my own spiritual, personal, and professional understanding of the term, a layman’s explanation is the participation in the wholeness of life wherein there is no differentiation between spirituality | spiritual practice and what is considered ‘shared reality’ amongst living entities (Buddhist Inquiry, 2018; iRest Institute, n.d.; & Spira, n.d.). I choose to utilize this term not for its resonance within myself, rather, as a shortcut to a conversation whose words have not found me (yet). I am taking the opportunity of this self-reflection to expand upon my own conscious experiences in relation to this shared comprehension of nonduality; in essence, nonduality is the x-y axis framework from which we depart off the binary and into.. more. [pluralities, some would say, but we’re getting ahead of ourselves].

Nonduality is the merged path between two routes which will one day converge, perhaps. By choosing to live a life in alignment with my own spiritual and personal beliefs, I must ensure my daily practices, too, align with these beliefs. In my own situation, I was working in a colonial institution while walking in decolonial shoes. I was a fluid dyke wandering a binaried heteronormative field which did not mirror my own values. As a neurodiverse mad woman, I had to develop a second face, a public presentation, so to protect myself from all the questions and uncertainties which would undoubtedly come from my colleagues and community members. EDI and Indigenous Knowledge are already two areas which receive an unhealthy amount of skepticism and raised eyebrows- surely, speaking as my true self will prove to be ‘too much’ for some.

Last month I met up with Sascha Altman DuBrul, most known for co-developing the Icarus Project (International Bipolar Foundation, n.d.) as a peer-support group and ecosystem for media projects, discourse about madness and mental illness, medications and therapeutic approaches, as a place to connect with our fellow humans living with shared experiences. I contacted him while I was still trying to figure out what direction I wanted to go in, professionally personally spiritually, and was trying to fit my questions into a cramped format based on my assumption this had to go through my current role as a healthcare practitioner. He listened to my info dump of an intro and asked me, Whose legitimacy do you want? (S. A. DuBrul, personal communication, March 25, 2025). I sat with that question in my head for a few weeks until I realized, I am not seeking legitimacy from any formal systems, institutions, or medical professionals. I am not seeking legitimacy from systems which poke and prod and predict and decide without intentional communication and co-creation for which they are ‘diagnosing’. But whose legitimacy do I want? [read below].

Through a loose interpretation of Pfaller’s (2003) explanation of interpassivity in media, I saw myself systemically morphing into an interpassive player in the game of social justice. As an activist who chose to enter systems with the sole purpose to disrupt cogs of colonization, white supremacy, and mob mentalities, it had become more and more difficult to engage with my coworkers without negating either my own or my employer’s ethical framework(s). I was the audience member inside my head watching me stumble through rough terrain when my employer breaks some awful news which happens to correlate with my unique position at the school; when employees are prohibited from critiquing the government, discouraged from discussing colonization, and ostracized for engaging in dialogue surrounding white supremacy... it doesn’t leave many options for politically radical individuals to express themselves.

I watched myself remove my presence from social gatherings, snack time events, and common spaces to avoid confrontation where I knew I could no longer be honest. But then, what is honesty if it is hidden? How can I live a life according to nondualism if I am constantly afraid to express myself? Especially for those working in social justice-adjacent fields while employed by the government, how can we rationalize that to ourselves? I had built my framework around being a registered healthcare practitioner as that was the only way my knowledges were recognized and validated_. and yet, I could no longer live up to my own expectation of wholistic health referring to one’s and our collective physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and social health.

So, I asked myself, how can I spiritually weave nonduality throughout my waking and resting life? How can nonduality cross into my professional spheres? How does a box fit in a sphere? If energy is constant, and movement is infinite, then these spheres must remain in constant movement, as well. How can we be fluid creatures whilst navigating black and white formations such as policy, procedure, and legislation? Where and how do we co-create pockets of freedom within|throughout|in-spite-of systems to gather and prepare an opposition to traditional (colonial, western, violent) governmental systems?

Lauren Walker asks, “Instead of meeting in the middle at some arbitrary point on some arbitrary line, what if instead we allowed ourselves to expand spherically?” (Meredith, 2022, p. xiii). Fascinating. I hear this and imagine fluid spheres overlapping intersecting and (e)merging in a foundedly quantum measure and I am brought back to Spira’s (2023) expandacious responses to a scientist who wants to know, why? What if I asked myself this question, this why am I [still] here? If I’m so unhappy, why have I remained?

I’m reminded of a quote I referenced during one of our first discussions in this course, which tells me I am bringing myself back to where I started this journey. A few mornings ago, I woke up with an image in my mind and quickly drew it in a journal sitting on my nightside table. It was a spiral, think of a slinky stretched out, only looping for a handful of times before the message was conveyed. I drew a dot on one point of the spiral, then followed up one loop to mark another dot on the spiral. Depending on the angle, the two dots seem to be aligned in the same ‘place’ on the spiral. However, there has been an ascension, a higher level on the spiral; while they may share the same space, they are not in the same place. Earlier this semester, I wrote [Ingrid LaFleur writes, “I believe every moment of every day should be a pleasurable experience. If it is not, then it is time to question what is happening and why you decide to endure it,” (brown, 2019, p. 100)].

If every day is not a pleasurable experience, why do I return to this day? What needs to change so I am happy? What will my happiness bring others if I am bringing it to myself? As someone whose career is committed to serving others in pursuit of a more just and kind world, what good am I doing if the good is only mine? This is a snippet of the feedback loop in my head, questioning whether choosing a life of happiness is a selfish act. In the words of Naomi Klein (2023), “Who was I without that story of possible salvation to share?” (p. 321).

I am looped back to how I started introducing myself in summer 2023; a settler whose family has settled in Ktaqmkuk (northern Newfoundland) since the 1700’s, both of my grandfathers (pop, poppy) were Pentecostal preachers. I see my family’s colonial impact through the expansion of the Pentecostal church in rural Newfoundland, how all generations were socialized (indoctrinated, absorbed) in the church which states we must be good Christians and improve the lives of others by socializing others with His light. I look in the mirror and see a girl who, despite her best efforts, followed in her family’s footsteps to ‘fix’ the lives of others because that is what God ordered. And, god is in me as I am water and the sun warms my skin filled with blood which feeds the mosquitoes who hover around the Light as they have been, perhaps, socialized to do.

It seems I have taken the long route, and still| I chose to Help. I may have called it other names, tossed it through the wash until the stains of organized religion seemed to have faded, and re-entered organized religion via post-secondary education. Again, another woman in my ancestry has showed up to help, that’s all. I look back to the spiral and see how despite climbing a few rungs on the ladder, I continue to deliver the same “let me fix it” energy my family brought with them from southern Britain all those years ago. But when you think of it, really, it wasn’t that long ago. The sun still kissed our skin, and the cold waters brought cod which fed our family, we floated on ice pans through storms and somehow, always managed to return to the harbours safely. This cycle repeats.

Raising my knees high so not to trip on its edge, I step outside the circle my family has cycled through for nearly three centuries; I see there is more to life than deciding to show up and save the day. Perhaps, just maybe, there can be joy in each day and that on its own, is enough. I remember an introduction my uncle wrote in his self-published non-fiction book which is, to simplify it, a collection of essays; in his words:

“To suggest this book is merely about observations noted along the way, however, is to sell it short. Experience without analysis is limited to the personal, and trotting it out for public consumption would run the risk of self-indulgence; where commentary is involved, it invites discussion.

Expect commentary.” (Hoddinott, 2016, p. v).

As you can see, the wordy petal didn’t fall too far from the artsy tree.

Pfaller (2003) illustrates interpassivity as the books we buy but never read; the purchase itself has become the consumption, and the book is no longer media as a tool for communication but a reflection of our choice to passively consume media as a representation for knowledge(s) we may one day [re]produce. I’m choosing to intentionally engage with books I have bought knowing I will, someday, like to read. Some of the most interesting introductions to [my] unread books are from those who sat in the sun on a sidewalk when I was walking by, at the bottom of a “FREE” [thengarbage] stack of books from a local library, or from which the explicit purchase represented an intentional choice to pursue an alternative path in life which buzzes with creativity.

Byron A. Lewis (1979) introduces the magic of neurolinguistic programming (NLP) through sensations he expresses as “being stretched, extended, expanded, and enlarged... also shrunk, crushed, pierced, and mutilated.” (p. ii). The meta principles presented in the book stem from a collection of psychological models including but not limited to behavioural, humanistic, cognitive, and traditional psychology. Interestingly, “[t]he term “meta” is used because the model which is developed is about rather than a part of all of these, and the emphasis is on the processes of change,” (Lewis & Pucelik, 1990). Coming decades before Facebook relaunched itself as Meta (2021) and meta became a phonetic symbol for the entrance of modern’s futuristic technology and fourth wall-breakage into our homes, phones, and automobiles (Cult Popture, 2018; Mulligan, 2020; & Sargeant, 2024), I’m curious to continue exploring how we talk about knowledge(s) rather than participate in knowledge systems inherently different than our own through critical cultural studies (Miller, 2001).

Dipping my theoretical toes into Cultural Studies for our third assignment was my first taste of a future which can braid my dreams into a reality; is it really possible to share my thoughts and insights and have that be recognized in a capitalist system as ‘work’? Will this feed me? Could it nourish my Spirit? Is it possible to co-create a plurality of spaces and places which can support my creative expressionism, align with my Spiritual practices [evolution], and still leave me with peace at the end of the day?

Well gee, I quit my job so I sure hope so!

For me, it was not possible to live a nondualistic life without becoming interpassive about the very social justice-driven initiatives that brought me to this work in the first (and second.. and eighth) place. Especially when caged (blockaded, conditioned, forced) in by walls of an institutional framework which did not serve me, the paradoxical nature of my professional framework was wreaking havoc on my overall health. They say when a tower falls, it is an opening for a new beginning; when goddesses close a door, they open a window [for the moon to come closer and shine her light];; chaos blesses us all.

I travelled to a nearby urban area for a little r&r before starting a new job in a completely (read: blissfully) unrelated field. Luck found me- Pussy Riot was in town for a concert. Without knowing what to expect, this live art performance erupted into a spoken (screamed) word expression of Maria Alyokhina’s (2017) book, Riot Days. Having spent the last 7 years of my life devoted to challenging gender-based violence, discrimination, racism, and colonization within (post-secondary [student], non-profit, healthcare, provincial and territorial, post-secondary [staff]) systems, in their opening:

“We were led by a belief in the possibility of change – a naïve and childish belief that can awaken suddenly in adults, and is usually accompanied by feelings of shame and the need to justify oneself.” (Alyokhina, 2017, p. 3).

I felt seen.

For the rage I felt being trapped in oppressive systems, for all of the above and everything below, for-

Yet, standing there, I was free. I had already quit. I had started my own consulting and coaching business for whenever the opportunity arose to rejoin these conversations-and it was my choice to walk away from the structure altogether. If it is right, it will find me.

I continue[d] listening.

“If you start your school work on the first page and do your sketches in the back, sooner or later the two will meet in the middle.” (Alyokhina, 2017, p. 12).

Now, I open a book on my stacked shelf and find myself drawn to an image [Suprematist Composition, geometric abstraction] constructed by Kazimir Malevich, an abstract artist who led the movement in the early 20^th century (Parmesani, 2012, p. xiii); another flip brings me to Umberto Boccioni’s Uniform forms of Continuity in Space which is observed as an expression of movement and fluidity (Parmesani, 2012, p. vi). One is painted with stark clean lines, the other told through the fluidity of forms via bronze. Both speak to me, yet neither talk. I receive an impression, I am impacted and influenced, without [spoken, written, promised] word.

Then, Janet Cardiff’s To Touch (1993) is included in the Art Gallery of Alberta’s current exhibition, AGA100: Act 3 Words to Worldmaking (Art Gallery of Alberta, n.d.). Attendees may choose to enter a dark black room and upon entry, hear sounds boom from speakers set up all around the room. In the middle of the room stands a table, it could be very worn or have been newly blessed with a visual replication of used. As one walks around the table, around the room, the speakers spark off in different directions; you hear the whooshing of moving water, coughing, a woman’s whisper, a phone rings, a retelling, lights appear and fade, fellow attendees enter my frame of vision as I turn to another side of the table, brakes screech and an ethereal hum fills the room, ragged breathing, an overlap of silence. I spent minutes walking around the table, moving my hands above and below the wood, following the speakers to find a Corner, returning to its centre and trying to replicate the sounds from before. A carnival sound plays; new.

今から、this is how I am approaching my theoretical pathway; I can co-create a journey alongside an institution offering me tools to develop my own educational framework, I have the freedom to address my work how I feel is appropriate, expansive, in alignment, and I feel joy in returning to the same places witnessing how the sounds are different, are new. Perhaps this new path is shaped through an echo of burnout, this possibility exists; how far will I walk to determine its relevance? Not far. Not at all, if I’m being Honest. Gordon Ferguson’s ddesk (2020) gave me another viewpoint of how the monotony of the workday, especially when the thrill is void and the tasks are draining, could recalibrate as a mundane existence in the blink of a sleepy, delirious eye.

What if, instead of mindful suffering, I chose intentional joy? What does that look like? Here’s where the fun begins as it is my responsibility to co-create this joy alongside a cosmological consciousness which meets me with a kind お帰りeach time(s).

During my time(s) at the art gallery, I came across a table showcasing a magazine I hadn’t heard of before, The Polyglot (n.d.). I learned the Edmonton-based magazine publishes multi-lingual entries, essays, and poetry from bi- tri- multi-lingual speakers all over the world. In this course, I have explored introducing Japanese into my writing as I am bilingual yet have very few opportunities to engage in Japanese. I was talking about this artistic exploration and how I have struggled to know where that belongs, if anywhere. Her response, “You belong here”.

Saschaのメッセージから、I want legitimacy from myself, and from my peers who experience the world in similar and shared ways; whether through language, art, critique, nuance, madness, or wonder. When I entered this course, I was trying to fi[t/x] spheres inside boxes and feeling frustrated at the limitations. Now, I see expansion as the air I breathe and witness spirals all around us, carrying the messages of now into before after above and below. Near the end of 2024 I was speaking with someone in the Registrar about my pathway for the Master of Interdisciplinary Studies program and when I told her my ideas, she said it sounded like I had a solid plan; also, she said this course changed her perceptions and encouraged me to openly engage in MAIS 601 to get everything I could out of the course.

I didn’t expect to quit my job before the end of the semester, and here we are. In a now.

I said I would try writing in dual consciousness for this assignment. How playful, it (consciousness, me, everything) chose this time to calibrate into one single path of pluralities. 面白い. This is the legitimacy I was seeking- of truth_ here, now, still, be.

There is always another time(s). Maybe then, nonduality will seek us. Until then, まだ.

“And, next to your history notes, graffiti appears.

Which turns history into a different story.” (Alyokhina, 2017, p. 12).

References

Alyokhina, M. (2017). Riot Days. Penguin Random House UK.

Art Gallery of Alberta. (n.d.). What’s On. Art Gallery of Alberta. https://www.youraga.ca/whats-on 

brown, a. m. (2019). Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good. AK Press.

Cardiff, J. (1993). To Touch [Table, photocells, electronic circuits and audio equipment]. The Art Gallery of Alberta, Edmonton, Alberta, Canada.

Cult Popture. (2018, October 17). Is Meta the New Funny? | Cult Popture. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3CXE45yzzSI 

Ferguson, G. (2020). ddesk [Mixed media/found objects (metal desks, vinyl and chrome chairs, metal coat racks)]. The Art Gallery of Alberta, Edmonton, Alberta, Canada.

Hoddinott, D. P. (2016). a thousand steps from home: A journey recounted with rhyme and reason. Dan Hoddinott Editions.

International Bipolar Foundation. (n.d.). The Icarus Project. International Bipolar Foundation. https://ibpf.org/resource/the-icarus-project/ 

iRest Institute (n.d.). Nonduality. iRest Institute. https://shop.irest.org/pages/nonduality  

Klein, N. (2023). Doppleganger: A trip into the Mirror World. Penguin Random House.

Lewis, B. (1979, December 27). Preface Letter. In Lewis, B. & Pucelik, F. (1990). Magic of NLP Demystified: A Pragmatic Guide to Communication & Change. Metamorphous Press.

Lewis, B. & Pucelik, F. (1990). Magic of NLP Demystified: A Pragmatic Guide to Communication & Change. Metamorphous Press.

Loy. D. (2018). The Many Faces of Nonduality. Buddhist Inquiry. https://www.buddhistinquiry.org/article/the-many-faces-of-nonduality/ 

Meredith, E. (2022). Your Body Will Show You the Way: Energy Medicine for Personal and Global Change. New World Library.

Meta. (2021, October 28). Introducing Meta: A Social technology Company. Facebook. https://about.fb.com/news/2021/10/facebook-company-is-now-meta/ 

Miller, T. (2001). What it is and what it isn’t: Introducing... Cultural Studies. Oxford and Malden: Blackwell. 1-19.

Mulligan, M. (2020, January 10). 20/20 Vision | MIDiA Research predictions 2020. MIDiA Research. https://www.midiaresearch.com/blog/the-meta-trends-that-will-shape-the-2020s 

Parmesani, L. (2012). Art of the Twentieth Century and Beyond: Movements, Theories, Schools and Tendencies. Skira Editore.

Pfaller, R. (2003). Little Gestures of Disappearance: Interpassivity and the Theory of Ritual. European Journal of Psychoanalysis, 16.

The Polyglot. (n.d.). Immerse Yourself in Multilingual Writing and Art. The Polyglot Magazine. https://www.thepolyglotmagazine.com/ 

Sargeant, R. (2024, June 7). The 15 Most Meta TV Shows Of All Time. Screen Rant. https://screenrant.com/most-meta-tv-shows-break-fourth-wall/ 

Spira, R. (n.d.). Introduction to Non-duality. Rupert Spira. https://rupertspira.com/non-duality/introduction-to-non-duality

Spira, R. (2023, March 26). The Convergence of Science and Spirituality (Part One) | Donald Hoffman & Rupert Spira. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rafVevceWgs